Explaining the Absence of a Parent

It can be incredibly tough for grandparents that must care for their grandchildren due to the absence of a parent. Depending on the situation this can be very difficult, especially if the children are very young. It's not easy when all of the parental responsibilities fall to the grandparents but kids need someone to rely on. An absent parent is an issue that should be dealt with delicately, in the best way possible.

It can be tempting to tell a lie or make up a story for kids when their parents are in prison or a rehab facility. This is not a good idea. Your grandchildren believe what you say which means they trust you. Don't betray that trust with a lie that will be exposed one day later in the future. It's just not worth it. It's best to find a good way to tell the truth without saying more than necessary.

Be sure to explain where your grandchild's parents are in a way that is appropriate for their age. Very young children might not understand things like prison or addiction. In this case it's ok to simplify your answer as long as it leaves them feeling better about the situation. Don't give details that are simply too complex for them. It will only serve to confuse them further.

If the situation involves a parent in prison, kids will feel lost. They need to have a connection with you based on trust. They might be confused about their feelings toward the parent in prison and having you as a solid source of comfort is going to mean everything to them.

Kids should be told in careful words that their parent in prison is being punished because they have done something wrong. Kids understand punishment. They will likely have many questions including the ones you may not be ready for. Decide before your conversation how much information you are going to give them so that you are prepared with the right answers.

Addiction may be even harder to explain than prison due to the fact that small children may not understand it. If you struggle to find the right things to say, consult a child psychologist or pediatrician for advice. They can help you with some pointers on how to deal with the trauma the child may be experiencing.

Children do not want their parents to go away regardless of the explained circumstances. They must be made to realize that it is necessary for their parent to go away in order to become healthy again. Children are more accepting when they know it will really be ok and that their mom or dad will be home soon.

Children need to be able to express their feelings. Keep the lines of communication wide open so that they feel comfortable with telling or asking you anything. Sometimes talking can make all the difference in the world when it comes to feeling ok with a parent's absence. Grandparents are special for many reasons. This is a time when you must step into the role of both parent and grandparent in order to keep your family united through the tough times.

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