Myths About Grieving - Part 3

As we continue in this series of articles on the myths of grief I want to discuss the third myth, "Put on a happy face. You'll feel better."

With all the recent emphasis on the Law of Attraction, there is an urgency within the culture to be happy. We attract what we think about, says the Law of Attraction.

If you are grieving, it may be very difficult to find the place of inner happiness. It is possible to put on a happy face while still grieving, but often this merely leads to frustration and inner conflict. What you are probably feeling is a sort of intellectual happiness.

The mind is attempting to think its way to happiness. The mind is correct to seek happiness. Happiness is our birthright. True happiness is timeless. True happiness is beyond the intellect. True happiness flows through an open and honest heart.

So how does a griever learn to experience happiness after a loss? True happiness flows through an honest heart. But what does that really mean?

In my experience, the feelings of grief often go underground rather than reaching a place of inner resolution. When a griever then attempts to "put on a happy face" they may tend to feel frustration and confusion. The inner feelings do not match that "happy face."

I believe there can be an authentic smile in the midst of sadness. But this comes from the honest heart which acknowledges the paradox of missing a loved one while at the same time feeling the joy of the present moment.

This experience can be illustrated by the example of looking at the photo of a loved one. If you have a sense of inner resolution you will probably smile with perhaps a tear of remembrance in your eye. If there is no resolution but there is honest awareness you may smile briefly through an abundance of tears. Either response in this example is honest, because you are aware of your inner feelings and process.

The key here is becoming more aware of what you are feeling in the present moment. Healing and resolution come through honest assessment of where you are right now. The next article in this series will take a look at another prevailing myth - "Be strong. Others are depending on you."

Sandy Clendenen provides resources and services to empower widows who are feeling stuck in their grief to move beyond grief and into the new life they deserve to live. For more information, please go to http://movebeyondgrief.com or http://howtohealgrief.com

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